What I'm thankful for everyday, but often hesitate to express on my blog!

Courage is what it takes to stand up to others
Courage is what it takes to make your own decisions
Courage is what it takes to succeed
But it also takes courage to sit down and listen
It also takes courage to admit a loss
It will take courage to respect someone others don't
Courage is needed to withstand peer pressure

So what does this mean?
Courage is essential in your journey through life.

Hanson Chen

I'd like to share something I am very thankful for every single day. I often feel I can't share this with others because I fear I may offend them. So to those members of the LDS church, this is not my intent.

These are my feelings and beliefs!

I have a LOT of LDS friends and family members whom I love and respect. I recieve LDS forwards and emails and read a lot of blog posts that are about or related to the LDS faith. I am not offended, but it bothers me a little that when I mention how I feel about the religion I often am told I am attacking them.
How can this be, are religous people free to preach all they want? Of course they are, but so am I. I am FREE to share what I believe and how I feel. (at least on my own blog) I believe that the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is a scam. I really, truely, and honestly do believe this.
With all my heart.

I do believe that there are many good things that the church teach and practice, for instance: charity work, FHE, youth groups and activities. There are lots of good things about the church. YES!

This is true, and that is great.
But I do not believe that these things make the church true. Nor does the church have a patent on these things either!

When I was a member I often tried to excuse the church or it's teaching by saying to myself that it's the fundamentalist that think this way or that. But there is no way around it. The church is much to young to hide it's hideous past. The founding leaders have too much dirt and blood on their hands to hide! The church teach it's members only to read church material...why would you teach this? If it's true it will stand up to scrutiny.
But it doesn't.

And it's not true.
It wasn't so called "ANTI MORMON" doctrine that made me think twice about the church. It was my gut feelings that finally demanded I get to the bottom of things. If was the fact that the church is a judgmental church! Love and kindness and peace will never be enough for them. You need to follow every rule that they make up even when they are racial, discrimanatory or wrong to be considered a faithful member.
Blacks not recieving the preisthood until 1978 for instance. Gays being stripped of their marital rights by prop 8. Will it really have to go so far as the government stepping in and demanding they stop discriminating? (The church teaches that AGENCY is so important, but would seek to strip others of it.) Plural marriage....does a member of the church even take the time to find out what the early prophets taught and said about this practice. (Ever heard of the journal of discourse? It is church material...but hard to come by these days, wonder why???) I think a lot of them don't because they don't want to know......BECAUSE then they might actually have to deal with it. I know that is how I felt a lot of times. I tried to put my gut feelings away for a long time, and I do mean a long time.

The church has inplanted a clever little tool called GUILT, deep, deep in it's members. From the time they are born they are taught that when you question the church it is shameful and of the devil. This is bizzare to me.

And sick!

TRUTH and FACTS are not bad things, they just are. I felt that it was wrong for me to indoctrinate my children. It felt to me like I was brainwashing them. I do not want my children to ever feel they have to earn my love or loose it because of their choice of or no choice of religion. I do not believe it is my place to make my daughters believe or not believe in a divine being.

BECAUSE I DO NOT KNOW!

No one does. You are not better than me and I'm not better that you. The fact stays the same, there is no real proof that there is a GOD even. I think it would be a pleasant surprise if there was one, but really, I don't believe there is one. Why would he let so many of his childred suffer? If there is a GOD, is he going to punish me because I didn't pretend that he exsisted? Maybe, and in that case, I don't think I'd like to be in such a persons presence anyway.

I am honest. I am not a bad person because of this, I have not lost my soul. Staying in the church after what I had discovered would have been WRONG, at least for me. Bringing my children up under the illusion that I "knew the church is ture with every fiber of my being" would be wrong in my eyes. Religion, in general, is a very intricate topic and I don't think you can make clear or smart decisions about them until you are an adult.
The church, in my eyes, is full of peer pressure and neglecting your intellect and embracing superstition.

I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT ALL MORMONS ARE FULL OF THESE THINGS.

There is a big difference. I believe there are MANY, MANY great LDS people, but I believe that the religion (teachings, scriptures, prophets..etc) is not true and that it is there that the problem lies. The religion is built upon a lie, to put it simply and straight to the point. I am glad that I can express myself about these thing and not feel ashamed or guilty. It is a wonderful free feeling.
I am not upset with my mother for bringing me up in the church. She was doing what she thought was right. How can I blame her?

I feel that I have learned A LOT from the church. I have learned many lessons and grown from them. It has in many ways shaped who I am and who I am not, and for that I am thankful. Mostly I am thankful that I left it when I did and not a minute later. It makes me sad to know there are so many members out there who feel like I did. Don't get me wrong, I was not always miserable. But the authenticity of the church was a recuring topic that I could not shake. I could push is away for months at a time and do just fine focusing on my callings and the wonderful kids in primary.........but the truth was always there and at last it caught up to me when my kids started getting bigger.

It was time to deal with it.

I am happy and thankful that I was able to deal with it in a healthy manner and move on to better things. There are many who get depressed and even those who commit suicide after their families and wards disown them. We were in Sweden when we decided to have our records removed. Our ward in Borås Sweden was filled with wonderful, caring people. Many of whom I think about often. They in no way acted badly or inappropriate.

In short I'd like to just say I am thankful that I am not a member of the church. This is not meant to be an attack, this is something I truly am thankful for

EVERY SINGLE DAY!

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I'm thankful

for the couch. I am usually not a big fan of sitting on the couch and watching t.v. In fact anyone that knows we well, knows I HATE wasting time in front of the t.v.
These last couple of days have been very different as I am still sick as ever and I don't have the energy to be on my feet. It is very lonely downstairs in bed, so for once, I love the couch. And since this is Idaho, I thought this pic was appropriate.

I'm also thankful for left overs, tissue paper to blow my nose, and nyquill that tastes like jägermeister to knock me out at night. Read more!

Health care Reform!

I just watched some dumb ass republican go off about how health care reform will destroy the USA health care system.
Really?

He said.........no, I'll just post it so you can hear for yourself!



First of all: I just have to say, what kind of a sick selfish ass really wants to keep people from getting health care. Americans have no clue how different and fair health care can be. They don't, because they are selfish and IGNORANT! If they would care to even look at other countries they'd learn a whole lot. Yes, you might have to stand in line.....but then the ones who need help the most will get it first as well. It's called sacrifice! Ever heard of it?

PLUS, if you're as rich as a lot of these selfish people are, they're rich enough to buy their own private health care anyway and they can go to their own "special" doctors. If doctors get paid a normal good wadge then maybe all the jerks who don't even care about people but who just go into it for the money would get weeded out.

The thing that bothers me the VERY most, and this is just because I'm an ex mormon, is that so many LDS in this region (Idaho, Utah..etc) are SOOOOO against a reformed health care. God forbid I have to pay more taxes so the poor mexican's kid next door gets to go to the doctor when they need to.

REALLY? WTF?

Have I forgotten everything about the church, I think not. It was the church that taught about the law of consecration was it not. And the law of consecration was not just paying a little more in taxes, it was giving EVERYTHING you had and then getting only what you need.

AKA -communism.

This health care reform is not even close, but still the same idea to an extent, giving a little and getting help when you really need it. And mostley, FOR THE PEOPLE WHO CAN'T AFFORD IT. How can a person see something bad with giving, to help someone else. Yes yes, I realize that a lot of republicans are upset because there are soooo many illegals. Yes there are. SO WHAT? A person is a person, is a person, is a person. Just because they happened to be born in bad conditions and have taken themselves out if it as good as they can does not mean that they should suffer because they are poor. Everyone feels pain, it doesn't hurt more or less depending on what color of skin you have or where you were born. PEOPLE are important.
I STRONGLY believe that health care should be available for EVERYONE. Period, and if I can pay a little more taxes then I'd LOVE to.
The myth that health care gets worse when it's not private is blown WAY out of proportion, look it up for yourself!


http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/08/21/AR2009082101778.html
If you don't have the pacience to read the whole thing, go to page three, where she kind of summarizes and makes some good points.


http://www.photius.com/rankings/

http://www.allcountries.org/ranks/preventable_deaths_country_ranks_1997-1998_2002-2003_2008.html

http://www.photius.com/rankings/healthy_life_table2.html Read more!

Sick Joy

I am thankful that I have not been sick since we moved here. I've had the occational sore throat....but up until now I haven't had anything terrible. NOW, I am sick for real. My lungs BURN.... It feels like I have been outside running in the cold without clothes on. Ever ran farther than you really should have and get the nasty burning sensation at the top of your lungs?

That's what I have.

And I have the little nasty green monsters visiting me that like to be coughed up. Plus body aches. Yes, I am feeling sorry for myself. I am the only one in the family without insurance as well, plus I'm the one trying to support us on my pathetic wadge. Grrrr, being sick does not fit into my schedule right now.

I had three appointments booked for tomorrow as well, all of which I am going to have to cancel :( But like I said, I am thankful that this is the first time I've gotten REALLY sick in six months or maybe even more! Hence this is my thanks post for the day.

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Scary Night!

I just have to share what happened to me last night. Thad and the girls were in Rexburg. I have been reading this criminal murder story book................I layed in bed for over and hour reading it. I'm soooo close to finishing, so you can emagine that it's pretty intense. Anyway, I fell alseep sometime around eleven. Then all of a sudden I wake up to the sound of music???

What?

I'm still dreaming.....I put music on on my cell phone, then my head starts to get clearer.
NO NO, I can hear music...quite loud and clear. I'm fully awake now! It's Josh Groban singing his heart out. What the hell? I'm the ONLY person in the house. So I get up, and find that Kajsa's cd player is on. It's playing this song:



I look around, Kajsa's room is a dissaster, toys ALL OVER THE PLACE, on the bed and floor...her pillow is missing. Her room is SUPER cold. I'm a little freaked out. I hadn't checked her room before I went to bed...but if the girls are home (like a normal day) We always clean up before we go to bed, always, ALWAYS. For a second I had the thought, someone has been in here looking for something. Someone is messing with me.
AHHHHHHH!
Then I calm myself down and figure out that somehow Kajsa had turned on the alarm...and of course midnight is the time that it auto sets to. Scary! So I turn off the cd player and crawl back into bed and talk myself into chilling out.

Why? Why on a night when I'm ALL ALONE. The alarm on her cd player has actually gone off ONCE before and that was when I ran inside to grab something downstairs and everyone else was waiting in the car!!!!

Yikes...does this make me a believer?
Nawwww

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Saturdays!

I had never heard this song before but when I searched youtube for SATURDAY(s) ...this is what I found. I was going to say I am THANKFUL it is finally Saturday evening and WORK is done for the week.

Ahhhhhhhhh!

p.s. I was thankful this morning when I stepped on the scale....

Anja: Snygg jeansrumpa???? Hahahaha, tror jag inte!

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Friday

1. Today I am thankful that I didn't go over to little caesars and buy their Italian cheese bread sticks. I did that yesterday and ate the whole thing by myself and made myself sick. I wanted to go and get some SOOOOOO badly today. (Our store is RIGHT NEXT DOOR to little caesars) Every time a customer walks in the door all I smell is pizza and bread sticks. It is torture. BUT, today I stood against the temptation! I am proud of myself and tomorrow morning when I step on the scale I will be thankful :) p.s. This picture doesn't do them justice, they are so delicious it is CRAZY!

2. I'm thankful that my hubby is such a sweet guy. Tonight he took the girls with him and is spending the night at Matt and Sarah's in Rexburg cause tomorrow morning he and Matt are going to put in a new floor board thingy stuff in mom's house! Someone commented,...I can't remember who it was, "My husband would never go over and spend the night with my family alone" Hmmmm, I guess I never even thought about it. Either way, Thad is such a sweet guy. Tomorrow is his first day of his week long Thanksgiving break and he's starting it out by helping my mommie.

I love you Thad!

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Thanks

1. Today I'm thankful that there is a washer and dryer in the house and that we don't have to go to "tvättstugan" to do it. We just discovered that all the girls pants are dirty! The laundry is in the machine. Although if we ever move out on our own I am sure I will be wishing there was a "tvättstuga" in the basement since we are too poor to buy our own washer and dryer ;) hahaha go figure!

2. I am thankful that is was slow at work for the last hour tonight, I had all my closing chores done and actually locked the place up right on time at 8 p.m. Sweet Joy! It is nice coming home after a 12 hour work day. Read more!

Wednesday Thanks

1. Spray Tans. I just got one and they're so much fun. I should upload a picture so you can all see. Oh well. For anyone that doesn't know by now, I work at a tanning salon in Blackfoot. I give spray tans (tan envy custom sprays) and do the body wraps along side massages. I also work the front desk when appointments are slow. It is GREAT to be able to benifit from our treatments for free. Just a tanning membership for a year costs 189 dollars....not to mention all the upgrades I use that I get free. If you've never had a spray tan, come and try one. Infact they are on special tomorrow and on Saturday!

Buy one get one half off!!!!

Did I mention they look GREAT!

2. A good book. I am reading a book right now and it's getting better and better. There's nothing like a good book! I love the feeling of wanting to read as soon as you have a moment over.

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Thanx

1. Today I'd like to tell you all about our pet cow. We haven't named it yet, but there is a cute little (not so little anymore actually) brown calf that comes into our yard ALL the time. Thaddeus and I noticed several months ago that this same little calf keeps getting out. It likes to hang out in our front yard! I have actually seen the little guy when he seriously just sticks his head between the barbed wire and then proceeds to lift his legs one at a time right through fence. He is a pro at doing it! I'm going to try and get it on tape....it's pretty amazing. Smart cow I say. So.....the moral of the story, I'm thankful for the cute little cow, he/she brightens my day and makes me laugh.

2. I am thankful that Thaddeus is doing so great at school. He has been giving it his all and so far he still has a 4.0!!!! Finals are just about here and it is soooooo "spännande" to see what happens. I am so proud of him!

3. I am thankful that I can go over to greatgrandma's and borrow her sewing machine...plus she helps me all the time with whatever project I am trying to do. We were over there today just fixing a few holes in clothes. I am going to try and sew 3 Lucia gowns......I have a feeling that I will be needing Grandma's help :) Read more!