24 November 2009

What I'm thankful for everyday, but often hesitate to express on my blog!

Courage is what it takes to stand up to others
Courage is what it takes to make your own decisions
Courage is what it takes to succeed
But it also takes courage to sit down and listen
It also takes courage to admit a loss
It will take courage to respect someone others don't
Courage is needed to withstand peer pressure

So what does this mean?
Courage is essential in your
journey through life.

Hanson Chen


I'd like to share something I am very thankful for every single day. I often feel I can't share this with others because I fear I may offend them. So to those members of the LDS church, this is not my intent.
These are my feelings and beliefs!

I have a LOT of LDS friends and family members whom I love and respect. I recieve LDS forwards and emails and read a lot of blog posts that are about or related to the LDS faith. I am not offended, but it bothers me a little that when I mention how I feel about the religion I often am told I am attacking them.
How can this be, are religous people free to preach all they want? Of course they are, but so am I. I am FREE to share what I believe and how I feel. (at least on my own blog) I believe that the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is a scam. I really, truely, and honestly do believe this.
With all my heart.


I do believe that there are many good things that the church teach and practice, for instance: charity work, FHE, youth groups and activities. There are lots of good things about the church. YES!
This is true, and that is great.
But I do not believe that these things make the church true. Nor does the church have a patent on these things either!

When I was a member I often tried to excuse the church or it's teaching by saying to myself that it's the fundamentalist that think this way or that. But there is no way around it. The church is much to young to hide it's hideous past. The founding leaders have too much dirt and blood on their hands to hide! The church teach it's members only to read church material...why would you teach this? If it's true it will stand up to scrutiny.
But it doesn't.
And it's not true.
It wasn't so called "ANTI MORMON" doctrine that made me think twice about the church. It was my gut feelings that finally demanded I get to the bottom of things. If was the fact that the church is a judgmental church! Love and kindness and peace will never be enough for them. You need to follow every rule that they make up even when they are racial, discrimanatory or wrong to be considered a faithful member.
Blacks not recieving the preisthood until 1978 for instance. Gays being stripped of their marital rights by prop 8. Will it really have to go so far as the government stepping in and demanding they stop discriminating? (The church teaches that AGENCY is so important, but would seek to strip others of it.) Plural marriage....does a member of the church even take the time to find out what the early prophets taught and said about this practice. (Ever heard of the journal of discourse? It is church material...but hard to come by these days, wonder why???) I think a lot of them don't because they don't want to know......BECAUSE then they might actually have to deal with it. I know that is how I felt a lot of times. I tried to put my gut feelings away for a long time, and I do mean a long time.

The church has inplanted a clever little tool called GUILT, deep, deep in it's members. From the time they are born they are taught that when you question the church it is shameful and of the devil. This is bizzare to me.
And sick!
TRUTH and FACTS are not bad things, they just are. I felt that it was wrong for me to indoctrinate my children. It felt to me like I was brainwashing them. I do not want my children to ever feel they have to earn my love or loose it because of their choice of or no choice of religion. I do not believe it is my place to make my daughters believe or not believe in a divine being.
BECAUSE I DO NOT KNOW!
No one does. You are not better than me and I'm not better that you. The fact stays the same, there is no real proof that there is a GOD even. I think it would be a pleasant surprise if there was one, but really, I don't believe there is one. Why would he let so many of his childred suffer? If there is a GOD, is he going to punish me because I didn't pretend that he exsisted? Maybe, and in that case, I don't think I'd like to be in such a persons presence anyway.
I am honest. I am not a bad person because of this, I have not lost my soul. Staying in the church after what I had discovered would have been WRONG, at least for me. Bringing my children up under the illusion that I "knew the church is ture with every fiber of my being" would be wrong in my eyes. Religion, in general, is a very intricate topic and I don't think you can make clear or smart decisions about them until you are an adult.
The church, in my eyes, is full of peer pressure and neglecting your intellect and embracing superstition.
I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT ALL MORMONS ARE FULL OF THESE THINGS.
There is a big difference. I believe there are MANY, MANY great LDS people, but I believe that the religion (teachings, scriptures, prophets..etc) is not true and that it is there that the problem lies. The religion is built upon a lie, to put it simply and straight to the point. I am glad that I can express myself about these thing and not feel ashamed or guilty. It is a wonderful free feeling.
I am not upset with my mother for bringing me up in the church. She was doing what she thought was right. How can I blame her?
I feel that I have learned A LOT from the church. I have learned many lessons and grown from them. It has in many ways shaped who I am and who I am not, and for that I am thankful. Mostly I am thankful that I left it when I did and not a minute later. It makes me sad to know there are so many members out there who feel like I did. Don't get me wrong, I was not always miserable. But the authenticity of the church was a recuring topic that I could not shake. I could push is away for months at a time and do just fine focusing on my callings and the wonderful kids in primary.........but the truth was always there and at last it caught up to me when my kids started getting bigger.
It was time to deal with it.
I am happy and thankful that I was able to deal with it in a healthy manner and move on to better things. There are many who get depressed and even those who commit suicide after their families and wards disown them. We were in Sweden when we decided to have our records removed. Our ward in Borås Sweden was filled with wonderful, caring people. Many of whom I think about often. They in no way acted badly or inappropriate.
In short I'd like to just say I am thankful that I am not a member of the church. This is not meant to be an attack, this is something I truly am thankful for
EVERY SINGLE DAY!

3 comments:

Norgerocks said...

just wanted to say that i don't mind you voicing your opinion. its true, we (lds people) voice their opinion all the time, why shouldn't you (or non lds people) so i say go for it girl:)

P.S i wish i would have knows how sucky it is to sleep on a hide a bed pregnant.. I WANNA SLEEP!

Anja Olergård said...

Jag läste alltihop -- var inte rädd för din "preaching" :). I mångt och mycket håller jag med dig, inte i allt förstås, och jag är glad för din skull att du och din familj är lyckligare nu. Saknar er! Det går inte en gång att familjen träffas utan att vi säger nåt som har med er att göra, t ex Ha du sökott? Nu de sädit. Kajsa som sög på revbenen, mm mm mm. Vi saknar er! Ni blev vår familj.

Avery said...

Doesn't it feel good to get it out? I admire you. I could never do that. i get enough hate mail already, I don't need anymore. :D I don't hide but you are so courageous and I'm grateful for YOU. Thanks for sharing your opinion so fully instead of just saying one sentence of "Its not true". You really put your heart into your opinion and it shows. Lots of love from the other side of the fence!